So apparently half of my colleagues here at Bearing Drift are really into magic The Force. Wank on, bros.
They are wrong.
So wrong they are (see what I did there?) that this deserves a full bore, epic, seismic takedown of backbreaking proportions.
First off, let’s be very clear about what Star Wars is — Muppets in Space: CGI Edition. There… you will never see Star Wars the same way without having to think about Fraggle Rock.
Second, look at the cast of characters. Star Trek has Klingons, Romulans, Cardassians… Star Wars has Gungans, Ewoks… Gungans…
Third, let’s not even mention the odd numbered Star Trek movies. Stack them all up — Star Trek never inflicted the moral tragedy that is Jar-Jar Binks. Meesa sooo glad.
Fourth — Star Trek has it all: moral ambiguity, diplomacy, science. Star Wars? Pew pew pew pew pew… and “the Force”? I mean, what is that?
Fifth? The villains are just plain better in Star Trek. Darth Vader vs. Khan. Come on… this isn’t even a contest.
Sixth? Star Trek has better technology in every aspect possible. Just look at Data vs. Artoo Deetoo (yes, that’s the real name… couldn’t go for R2D2 like normal people, had to spell it out… thanks, Jimmy Carter).
Seven. Jar Jar Binks. I rest my case.
Speaking of that, point eight: Klingon is an actual language… what did Star Wars give us? R2-D2 speak… hell, Kenny off of South Park is more interesting (and less vulgar, I might add).
Nine — the Imperial Senate has nothing — nothing — on the Federation. Would Palpatine have ever been able to take over the Federation? Heck no… but one itty bitty little emergency and all of the sudden we have bad guys becoming supreme dictators instigating wars and promising to “Make The Empire Great Again” and so forth.
…I mean, totally unrealistic, right?
Tenth? How’s about the damn conventions of the English language?! Yoda guys… speech remediation class, he needs. Imitating him, very poor form. Annoying, it is. Lame, you are. Learning Latin, useful perhaps… but begun the poor language skills has.
Need more to sell this? Holodecks, phasers, cooler spaceships, no Jar-Jar Binks, the Borg, time travel, no Jar Jar Binks, better science, no Jar-Jar Binks…
Did we mention this bastard?
…yeah, nothing comes back from that.
The coup de grace? The USS Enterprise would have destroyed the Death Star in about five seconds. One photon torpedo through the shaft, and quadrillions of dollars of Imperial hardware goes straight to Alderaan. Heck — if the Empire ever met the Borg? Done… and give this a thought: aren’t we overcompensating just a tad bit here with the Death Star?
And why is one Death Star bigger than the other? Scratch that… I don’t wanna know… or don’t scratch that. Whatever.
Jar Jar Binks.
