President announces new health-care solution during bi-partisan summit

By Ron Watrous | Friday, February 26th, 2010 | Policy

In a shocking move that has shifted the debate over sweeping health-care reform in a new and unexpected direction, Mr Obama announced a plan that would reduce the deficit and extend coverage to all people in the United States, regardless of their citizenship status.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid were seemingly unaware of the proposal and were visibly disturbed when the president stated the measure would require no legislation of any kind.

“I’ve decided that we can reach an agreement on this measure today,” said Mr. Obama to the bi-partisan gathering. “No new laws are required and Congress will not have to use parliamentary manipulation to get this done.”

The president waved a square, yellow note-pad before the astonished crowd as a hush fell over the room.

“In fact, my proposal is administrative in nature and will fit on a single sheet from this pad. I am about to send it to Kathleen over at the Department of Health and Human Services now,” he continued.

A clerk seemed to appear from a shadow and snatched the paper from the president’s hand and disappeared just as quickly.

Cautiously, House Minority Leader John Boehner approached the microphone and asked Mr. Obama what was on the note.

The group adjourned for a brief pause as notes on Mr. Obama’s hand were transcribed into the teleprompter. A hush fell over the room as the blue glow of incandescent brilliance scrolled up the glass panel before Mr. Obama.

“I have instructed DHHS to copy the instructions I gave to the Bureau of Labor Statistics with respect to accounting for the number of jobs saved or created through our very successful stimulus plan…if anyone within the United States and our territories received any government funding for their health-care this year in excess of the cost of a single bandage, it will count as a health-insurance policy saved or created.”

The shocked gathering concluded the session and were treated to a reception during which Speaker Pelosi personally served government cheesecake.

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