There’s No Way You’re a Republican

By E M Barner | Saturday, November 7th, 2009 | Politics

Guest Post by Tara

~musings of a first time GOP volunteer~

My heart doesn’t throb for the Republican brand. In reality, I wouldn’t be sad if it just went down in flames and took all the decepta-cons with it. Spending ridiculous amounts of money on different things and taking money from other lobbyists than the Democrats does not make you a conservative. Nevertheless, I volunteered to hand out sample ballots for the Republican party with two reservations – leaving my 8 month old at a baby sitter and not being a member of the R party, or even looking anything like a member of the R party. The Democrats working the polls alongside me asked me if I was even allowed to hand out ballots for the Republicans.

To put this in context, I’m 23 and grew up in Oregon around hippies and surfers. If you know what indie means, that’s me. I have tattoos. There are big spiral 4 gauge earrings coming out of my head. My blue hair pokes out from a homemade slouchy knit organic cotton hat. My zip up Cold War Kids concert hoodie has hand-sewn U2 patches on it. I smell like incense and shop at Whole Foods. My clean diesel VW has an Apple sticker on it (next to Ron Paul…I’m still looking for a Jesus related sticker that is acceptably devoid of dorky Christian culture) and reusable shopping bags that say “I used to be a plastic bottle”. My house is cleaned with chemical free products and I make sure to tell everybody about how evil big pharma and genetically modified foods are. I think you get the picture. But the truth is that I believe in limited government, personal liberties, the Constitution, the free market and personal responsibility. I’m also a big fan of helping one another out and charity work, but I disagree with the government being the vehicle for charity because it is ineffective, inefficient and so easily corrupted because there is very little accountability. When you shower people with cash that they didn’t have to earn or have to be responsible for once it leaves their hands, do you think they are going to make sure it stretches as far as it can? I think not. Those wasteful buffoons in Washington needed to be kicked to the curb. But I’m getting off topic….

So, pulling up to the polls I started getting nervous. What if the Republican I was taking over for didn’t believe I was her replacement? Should I have dressed in something other than skinny jeans, wife beater tank and concert hoodie?….maybe something other than sandals? Well it was too late to turn back. As I walked up to the ballot people the Dems immediately came after me with their ballots. After establishing that I was there for the Repubs and relieving the other volunteer of her duty, I was given a small pep talk by her and left to my own survival with the two Dems that were working as well.

Suddenly, my fellow volunteers as well as the exit poller were staring at me, agape.

“There’s no way you’re a Republican” one of them said
“You’re right, I’m not.” I replied “I’m a Libertarian but I’m here for the conservative candidates”
“Don’t you know that Libertarians are closer to being Democrats than Republicans?” One guy asked
Without bothering to sound like a credible grown-up, I asked him “What are you smoking? I’m for limited government, what are YOU for?”

The day pretty much progressed on that note for three hours. I overheard the exit poller tell the female Dem that there was no way people were going to believe I was handing out Republican ballots. They asked me, mostly jokingly, if I was a Democrat planted there. They asked me if I was sure I was allowed to hand out ballots for the Republicans if I looked like….me. After being mistaken for the one with the blue ballots over and over again, I offered to switch ballots with my new friends. People kept coming straight to me for the Democratic ballots and then looked confused as they walked off with the wrong one, or vice versa as they departed from the respectable looking people with a Democrat ballot.

Because we had nothing better to do during slow times outside the polls we had friendly conversation and they quizzed me on my views, trying to figure out exactly what planet I was from. Apparently all conservatives are supposed to be angry, rich, earth hating, old men. The fact that I didn’t come in followed by a cloud of toxic exhaust while chopping the flowers off plants seemed to confuse everyone. When they realized I was a fan of treating our planet and environment well, and against factory farming and cruel treatment of animals, they asked if I was sure I wasn’t on their side. My reply was basically this:

“I’m for any ideas that actually help us create clean, sustainable energy and help keep our environment as clean as possible…..as long as the ideas are good and effective ones, and not some stupid idea like ethanol under a veil of doogoodery, dreamed up by rich dirtbags who want to take over the economy and government through doom and gloom crisis rhetoric. We are paying farmers to not grow crops that could be feeding people, subsidizing corn, changing the genetic makeup of the foods people are eating, and using two units of energy to create one unit of ethanol. It’s a retarded idea and I refuse to support retarded ideas just for the sake of sounding like I care more than the other person.”

When they realized I was for legalized marijuana their eyes fell out of their heads.

“It’s about personal liberty,” I said “Not about looking cool.” If someone wants to grow a native and fast growing plant in their back yard for their own enjoyment, without harming others, create a small business revolving around the botany of the hemp plant, or help treat sick patients, I say the federal government can keep its money sniffing nose out of their business.”

After a tirade on my part about one of my bosses at Starbucks telling me I needed to learn to “play the corporate game, or I wasn’t going anywhere” they decided they needed to take me in to lecture on being genuine at their company. I mean, excuse me, but I refuse to spew a bunch of BS just to pet some upper management ego, and lie to them when asked if I think certain ideas are good. Dude, the green tea latte was a HORRIBLE idea. There is no way I could in good conscience play the corporate game and tell my regional manager that I thought it was green and oh so delicious. Barf. Enough with corporate games, I won’t keep my mouth shut if I believe something is stupid.

At one point, they were trying to talk quietly but I could still hear them discussing different races and how they vote. “We are losing this election based on who we’ve seen come in today. We need the asians to come out and vote. Were are they? Where are the blacks and hispanics? They must not live in this neighborhood. Man….the southeast asians always vote Democrat. Was that lady Algerian? They usually vote Democrat too.” Isn’t this the generalization and “racist” talk that the Dems keep accusing the conservatives of? After hearing quite a bit of that I started claiming certain new arrivals at the polls as my own. “There’s a guy in a truck, must be voting Republican….oh, trophy wife, I got this one. They’ve got kids, don’t bother asking if they want your ballot.” The hilarious thing was that the blacks that walked up were having Democratic ballots waved at them and more of them took the Republican ballot in with them. Oops. There was one lady who marched right up to me and grabbed a ballot, took a closer look at it, shuddered in horror, and handed it straight back. LOL.

I enjoyed the company of the people I spent the afternoon with. They were friendly human beings just like me and you. It’s good to put a face on what usually crops up in your mind as some faceless enemy.

I could go on for a lot longer about the personal exchanges between myself and the “other side” but the fact is, I truly believe that more people my age would identify with the conservative ideas I hold if they were educated better about what they really mean and the history of politics in our country and other countries. Having younger faces and ideas in the mix wouldn’t hurt at all either, since most people my age just don’t identify with stodgy, wrinkly old men. It’s not about being fashionable in your politics though. Trying to make yourself feel better than other people (and I still fail to see what makes you superior by advocating taking more of other people’s money and doling it out to whoever the government decides is deserving), and being conservative doesn’t mean that you hate charity and the earth and people that aren’t white.

Young people need to be educated on the mistakes of the past, to know that a government molded society isn’t in the best interest of the people, to remember that people fled to this country in the first place to escape a controlling, over taxing government. We still have a Constitution, and I think that our government has abused time and time again. If they want to get around it they need to change it first, and we need to hold our politicians accountable as they raid the prosperity of the future and flush it down a government regulated toilet.

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