Since all the folks around here get to make their debut thing on the lap box, I waited for The Warden (you know her as Andrea) to get busy cleaning up my mess, so here I am!
They call me Thor, even though every time the sky cracks, I hightail it under the bed. I am handsome, very fast, and The Danny says I’m not the brightest tool in the shed, whatever that means. Danny is my brudder … the doggo that raised me, and I like to drive him crazy just til he gets mad enough to yell and snap.
Why just last week I planned the most spectacular jailbreak, and Danny got mad.
Ya see, I’m not allowed outside unless Mommy or Warden has me on that thing that chokes me when I run. I don’t understand it. Danny runs free, so should I. So what if I don’t listen?
I have no personal freedom, and sometimes, a doggo gotta do, what a doggo gotta do
Anyhoo… The Warden was a washin’ the floor, and hollered for Danny to go outside. I thought it was a good time to strike! So I waited til Danny and Warden were by the door. It opened up and I just bum-rushed both of em and out the door I went! FREEDOM!
The Warden was a hollerin’, “Jailbreak!”
I took off down that long patch of grass (where dudes in funny clothes try to hit the small balls with metal sticks) and I was bookin’! I stopped every other tree to pee and I was by the lake in no time. I tried to play with the ducks but they weren’t interested. I heard Mommy and Warden screaming for me, but I didn’t care.
I ran back up the grass and one of the silly dudes hitting the balls started yelling. What a jerk!
I made my leisurely way back, and visited every doggo along the way. I was almost home when Danny met me on the grass. He was barreling towards me like he was gonna whip my butt. I was too tired to run; Warden said I was sweating like a hooker in church, whatever that means.
When Danny got to me, he started a hollerin’! Wow he was mad. He ran behind me and growled very unapprovingly every time I tried to look back, so I thought the safe bet was to go home. But as we got closer to the house, I started feelin a sense of doom. The Warden was standing there, hands on her hips, tellin’ me I was bad. Then Mommy drove up, got out of the car, and started screaming. Mommy’s voice is louder than The Warden’s … ouch to the hear flaps, Mommy!
So, I just ran inside, got under the bed, and took a nap. Danny, Mommy, and the Warden are all too fat to reach me here.
See … I am the sharpest tool after all. Aw crap, gotta go. Danny has my bone!