Deep-Fried Disaster

Iowa is known for many mistakes, such as Butter Popsicles, Congressman Steve King, and legitimizing Jimmy Carter to the Presidency. But there has not been a deep-fried disaster that has occurred in the Hawkeye state like Caucus Night for the Democrats.

There was confusion, turmoil, “coding issues,” and 1800s-style head counting in gymnasiums not serving as accurate. No clear winner. This was not the work of Trump — or the Russians. Just a big, juicy pork chop of incompetence.

Now, back in Virginia, Democrats, unlike their national compadres, are laser focused. Under the guidance of Terry “The Macker” McAuliffe, the Democrats have effectively barnstormed and transformed Virginia into a typical, east coast blue state. No thanks to the racially insensitive and tone-deaf Governor Northam.

This was done with forward thinking mayors such as LeVar Stoney, work horse legislators like now-Speaker Eileen Filler-Corn, fighters like Joe Morrissey, and hard working suburban congressional candidates like Abigail Spanberger. And, of course, the cohesive message of progress, while Republicans sat with Corey Stewart dunce caps in the corner.

I bet Democrats wish The Macker was in Iowa. Or even running.

The Iowa Caucus (for both sides) has a long history now of either propelling the eventual nominee forward or narrowing the field. It’s the first litmus test — a very, very white litmus test — but the first litmus, nonetheless.

Trump has Democrats so incensed that they have no idea where to start attacking him. Many parts of the country still can’t accept the reality that he is President. Unlike Virginia Dems, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) thinks Twitter activists are the true voice of America — bending to hashtags and jumping at any chance to apologize to the latest outrage of the week.

Virginia Dems press forward, unified, hyper and bounding toward opportunity like Terry himself. Instead of a clear agenda, national Democrats prefer peace, land, and bread promises and think Santa Claus’ approach to gift giving is how a government should run services.

Bernie is ready to don the red suit any day. Elizabeth Warren has a plan for everything (eyeroll) including making trans-kids the selectors of cabinet positions. Biden’s musings on leg hair, affinity for neck smelling, and close chats have really stretched the loveable uncle label thin. Mayor Pete needs to have his first shave before he can occupy the Oval.

Maybe it’s not Iowa’s antiquated system or technical difficulties that fumbled the ball for the Democrats in Iowa. It’s themselves.

Unlike Virginia Democrats, the current crop of candidates running for President simply does not care about crossing over and picking up reasonable, suburban Republicans when they go all in and attack the Hyde Amendment or say, “Hell yes,” to forcefully taking guns.

Virginia Democrats in key races reached out, for all you Star Wars fans out there, to the “General Hux Republicans.” For those who have not seen “Rise of Skywalker,” General Hux is a commander for the Empire who detests Kylo Ren, so much so that he lets the Rebels have a clear shot at defeating the tantruming, immature, volatile leader of the Galaxy.

“I don’t care if you win, I want Kylo Ren to lose,” he hisses to the Rebel Alliance.

These Hux Republicans primarily consisted of young, college-educated, suburban Republicans who were disgusted by Trump’s temperament, his bungled and offensive statement on Charlottesville, and Corey Stewart’s nomination. They elected Spanberger and Luria and flipped Virginia towards the Democrats.

The National Democratic Party doesn’t want help from General Hux. They only care about the fringe, radical base, and not expanding their tent to their own detriment. They want messy debates, farther left platforms, muddled messages, unclear contests, and impulsive impeachments. They have no focus, don’t care about the people as a whole, and don’t care about winning.

Virginia Republicans, sound familiar?

The DNC and RPV deserve each other.

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