BREAKING: Empty Chair Wins 7th Congressional District Debate

Just got this press release in my inbox. I’m stunned:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

 

Empty Chair Wins 7th Congressional District Debate

Dave Brat Upset At Campaign Event By Sturdy Red Chair

 

RICHMOND, VA – In what many are calling an upset today, Empty Chair, candidate for Congress in Virginia’s 7th Congressional District, won the debate against Dave Brat at Honey Baked Ham. Chair for Congress Communication Director Ham Sammich made the following statement after the debate:

“Empty Chair was honored to have the opportunity to debate the issues important to the people of the 7th District and all Americans. Empty Chair clearly won by showing his long standing support for American values, no matter how heavy, and willingness to stand tall and strong for all American backsides.  Empty Chair’s Made In America values shined through and showed the emptiness of Dave Brat’s record and Dave Brat’s unwillingness to take a stand against higher taxes while working for Tim Kaine. If Dave Brat won’t stand up for what is right in Richmond, how can we trust him to stand up to President Obama in Washington? Let’s get Virginia and America working again, let’s stand together (or sit) with Empty Chair.”

 

 

(This is how you do satire, folks.)