The GOP Roast

It looks like the last batch of polls is in and Thursday’s debate scrum will begin with Trump, and end with Kasich:

poll average

Jim Gilmore, we hardly knew ye.

But a more interesting footnote about the GOP field is its historic size:

The GOP now has 17 major contenders for the nomination — former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore announced on Wednesday — breaking the record previously held by the 16 candidates who sought the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination in 1972.

Counting presidential contenders isn’t an exact science, however. There are hundreds of candidates each election cycle that run for president. And the term “major” is, of course, subjective.

Plus, there’s more money to go around for even marginal candidates and the biggie — it’s an open seat contest. The winners are typically, though not always, from the party out of power.

The massive Democratic field produced George McGovern, a landslide defeat for Democrats, and one of the most entertaining and insightful campaign trail books ever written.

Who emerges from the GOP pile with a winning message, their dignity intact, and at least some teeth left in their head?

None of them.

The polished pols are working on their one liners. And their advisors are already providing us samples:

“Imagine a NASCAR driver mentally preparing for a race, knowing one of the drivers will be drunk,” tweeted John Weaver, a senior strategist for Ohio Gov. John Kasich. “That’s what prepping for this debate is like.”

It’s not going to be a debate. It’s going to be a Dean Martin Roast, but with less humor and no Foster Brooks (sorry John).

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