BREAKING: Empty Chair Wins 7th Congressional District DebatePoliticsSatireSlider

Just got this press release in my inbox. I’m stunned:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

 

Empty Chair Wins 7th Congressional District Debate

Dave Brat Upset At Campaign Event By Sturdy Red Chair

 

RICHMOND, VA – In what many are calling an upset today, Empty Chair, candidate for Congress in Virginia’s 7th Congressional District, won the debate against Dave Brat at Honey Baked Ham. Chair for Congress Communication Director Ham Sammich made the following statement after the debate:

“Empty Chair was honored to have the opportunity to debate the issues important to the people of the 7th District and all Americans. Empty Chair clearly won by showing his long standing support for American values, no matter how heavy, and willingness to stand tall and strong for all American backsides.  Empty Chair’s Made In America values shined through and showed the emptiness of Dave Brat’s record and Dave Brat’s unwillingness to take a stand against higher taxes while working for Tim Kaine. If Dave Brat won’t stand up for what is right in Richmond, how can we trust him to stand up to President Obama in Washington? Let’s get Virginia and America working again, let’s stand together (or sit) with Empty Chair.”

 

 

(This is how you do satire, folks.)

  • Patrick Murphy

    Scoreboard.

    • http://www.brianschoeneman.org/ Brian W. Schoeneman

      It’s June 10th already?

      • Patrick Murphy

        Huh?

        • http://www.brianschoeneman.org/ Brian W. Schoeneman

          You said scoreboard. The only scoreboard that matters if the final coral tally on June 10th. So I was just checking that I didn’t fall asleep and miss a month.

          • Patrick Murphy

            You’re right, Bearing Drift should only report on the final results of elections since there’s no point in keeping track of the points being scored until the game is over. That’s the same reason I don’t watch NFL games and read the newspaper for the final score instead.

          • http://www.brianschoeneman.org/ Brian W. Schoeneman

            That’s not what I said.

          • Patrick Murphy

            And, I was being sarcastic. Of course there’s a reason to keep score leading up to an election. For one thing, it’s damned entertaining. “Scoreboard” was a one-word commentary since slow-clapping in front of my keyboard accomplishes absolutely nothing.

          • Eric McGrane

            Yes, its a total non-story that Cantors lead henchmen went down today. You shouldnt even cover it at all…

            Bearing Joke

            http://www.richmondteaparty.com/gruber-defeats-cobb-in-va-7th-district-convention/

          • MD Russ

            Eric,

            Brat’s lame attempt to ambush a member of the Republican leadership landed with the splat of a cow pie. The Tea Party enjoys less than a 30% approval rating, 10 points lower than King Barack. Deal with it. Your would-be revolution has fizzled and is all but over.

          • Eric McGrane

            Yes, you and Linwood should both go celebrate.

            And of course, tea party people just took Goochland county 1-2 positions as well.

            Being in a position of fizzle seems to be working swimmingly.

          • MD Russ

            Have another glass of Kool-aid. Tea Party candidates all over the country are losing their asses in primaries. Republicans are finally waking up and realizing that the Tea Party is a bunch of losers who have nothing to contribute.

          • http://www.brianschoeneman.org/ Brian W. Schoeneman

            I wasn’t there. I had my own convention to attend. Someone will cover it at some point.

          • Eric McGrane

            Ah….but somehow you found the strength to cover the empty chair debate…on the same day as the actual convention. You found the time to mock it, but not even one moment to have a summary 2-sentencer posted about the outcome of the convention. In the house leader’s district.

            We get it Brian…we do.

          • http://www.brianschoeneman.org/ Brian W. Schoeneman

            That was written at 8 AM this morning before I went to the 11th District convention. It took about ten seconds to put that post up. Anybody who cares knows the outcome of the convention, and we put it on Facebook. There’s not much else to say.

          • Eric McGrane

            :) Be well.

          • http://www.brianschoeneman.org/ Brian W. Schoeneman

            That’s the first time you’ve been cordial to me in months. Refreshing change.

          • Eric McGrane

            Not really.

            We were cordial just last month. So I’m good for 2014 :)

    • Patrick Murphy

      Whoa.

      Didn’t mean to stir the hornets nest.

      Next time I’ll take the time to type out, “This post made me laugh, good job Brian.”

      • http://www.brianschoeneman.org/ Brian W. Schoeneman

        :)

  • Eric McGrane

    And meanwhile for the race that actually matters today….

    DOH!

  • stevenbrodietucker@gmail.com

    Eric Cantor’s right hand plant slaughtered at 7th District Convention. Cantor’s Big Government losers cry. We’re celebrating. Cantor Crowd? What are you doing? Calling K Street and Wall Street for more funds? You can’t BUY THE 7th DISTRICT! lol You’re going down.

    • MD Russ

      The polls, currently running about 60-40 for Cantor, would indicate that you are going to be very disappointed with the primary results. But, that has never stopped the Tea Party from showing unrestrained optimism in the face of certain defeat.

      • Eric McGrane

        The 7th chairman seat was “certain defeat” too.

        Ooops.

        http://www.richmondteaparty.com/gruber-defeats-cobb-in-va-7th-district-convention/

        • MD Russ

          And how many voters were allowed to participate in the election of the 7th chairman seat and just how much political power does he have in Washington?

          Double oops.

          • Eric McGrane

            “allowed” to participate.

            LOL keep flailing.

      • stevenbrodietucker@gmail.com

        Where’d Linwood Cobb go? Oh? Wait… another Cantor henchmen defeated? Yeah, keep telling yourself that Cantor is safe.

      • Rednecksrule

        60 40? That isn’t that great for the guy who is Number 2 in the House and therefore controls a whole bunch of pork that can come his district’s way…

  • C Ken Davis Sr

    Once again the only information given by Cantor’s lackey Brian Schoeneman is a failed attempt at sarcasm. Then there are posts by the illiterate MD Russ. Combining the two almost equals the intellectual abilities of the empty chair.

    • Rednecksrule

      I linked to this stupid website when that Kenney moron hit the national news about how he was going to drive out the nativists who oppose immigration amnesty… Yeah that was a genius move on what is supposed to be the Director of the GOP in Virginia… let’s drive out voters. Then you get this Schoeneman who is the absolute worst of a political hack who even admits he doesn’t have any values beyond ensuring that he is employed by various political connections… he is a lobbyist for a labor union!! And both work for that reptile Eric Cantor.. why should anyone vote GOP with these guys in charge? You Tea Party guys should say adios to these guys. The only thing they represent is ensuring that they are in charge of the pig trough that is Washington DC or Richmond in this state…

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  • Sue

    Why any of you waste your time with Schnoteman is beyond me. He has proven himself to be totally irrelevant and to have zero credibility. Good Riddance Brian!

    • Rednecksrule

      You are completely right, but Schnoteman is just such a prime example of what is wrong with establishment GOP types that he is hard to resist. He reminds one of the old Groucho quote… I have a lot of principles, young lady and if you don’t like those I have others… He like the guy he works for Cantor are about sucking dry the political mammary for their own benefit. These guys didn’t do anything else but be hangers on in the political world. Guys like these talking about small or limited government? Really? Big government, crony government are how they make themselves wealthy. One poster put it best–they are phony alternatives to Obama, Reid and Pelosi.

  • Downstater

    Even though I’m upset at Cantor for some of his stances, I
    am not liking a candidate who deliberately picked a ham restaurant on the
    Jewish Sabbath for a debate, full knowing that this was mocking his opponent’s religion.
    Yes, maybe Cantor still could have debated him another time if he’d really
    wanted to, but this action is really not cool on Brat’s part. Someone needs to remind Cantor that he
    represents the 7th district, but I don’t know that this is the way
    to start.