Havana Daydreaming. Not The Jimmy Buffett VersionColumnsFeaturedPoliticsSouthwest Virginia

“Bunkie, get down here quick! You won’t believe what I just found!”

I had just stepped out of the shower when my cell phone rang. It was Clyde.

“Sure Clyde, Do I have time to dry off and put some pants on first?”

“Yeah, I guess so, but hurry. I’ll get Chris working on your breakfast, just get a move on.”

When I walked through the door, Clyde and a cup of coffee met me. He led me to a table by the window, and gave me a sheet of paper. Rita soon appeared with my boneless chicken breakfast.

“As soon as I opened this morning that guy up the road what’s in the local Democrat Party came in. Just ordered coffee and un-strapped his laptop and went to typing.

“Now I don’t know if he had one of those little portable printers or if this just fell out of his case, but this is what I found when he left.”

It was a page. One page.

Speech Notes

Everybody gets a government provided house. No bigger than the one next door, but no smaller either. They will all have three bedrooms, ’cause two kids are all you need. If you have three or more, you gotta give your fair share to others less fortunate.

If you’re single, you will have two other government provided singles to share that three bedroom house. Might be male or might be female. Can’t discriminate, ya know. We are all equal now.

If you get married while living in a singles house? We’ll worry about that later.

There will be no more poverty because everyone will get the same pay. Just average out what we’re all getting now, and that will be the new minimum. And maximum.

Nobody can own a gun. Of any type. You know how reckless some people are.

Get reckless with your body parts though, and government will buy the abortion. (Forced if both bedrooms are occupied? Can we do that? Hell, why not. It IS OUR daydream, after all.)

Energy. We Americans have been way too reckless in the way we use this stuff. I don’t really know exactly what it is, but I’ve been told we are killing our planet with it. (Note to self: When I get home, cook a frozen pizza. I don’t want the delivery guy using petroleum products to cater to my whims.)

Another note: Don’t forget the global warming/kill coal rally next week. Al Gore and Robert Redford may be there. It’s rumored both will be flying in.

About that rally: Go buy lots of poster paper. Pure white, slick finish. Don’t get it at Wal-Mart, they are not union friendly. And wooden stakes at Home Depot. (Or even better, from my neighbor’s wood shop. I’m sure he will donate them.) Gotta have plenty of hand-made signs to share with the less fortunate protesters. Some will be college students, and we know how hard that is. They even have to buy their own condoms! The rally does not have those in our budget.

Oh, a few more

It ended there.

After reading it I knew no more than everything I’ve ever suspected. But I didn’t tell Clyde that.

“It looks like our leftist friend is just daydreaming. But if we ain’t vigilant, it can all come true. I’ve been saying this for years, Republicans have to do a better job at educating voters. We gotta counteract the liberal media, whether it’s the Roanoke Times, the Martinsville Bulletin, or Jon Stewart and Chris Matthews.

“Think of our friend Chris in the kitchen? He saw the light on his own so there is hope.

“Most won’t though. It will be up to you and me and a handful of others to tackle this ignorance problem.

“’till then, make a reservation for me and the Williams sisters for lunch. We may have a fourth with us this week, and I’m sure we’ll have lots to talk about.”

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