I hate August.
You would think that the eighth month of the year, named after no less a personage than Augustus Caesar, would be, well, more august. It isn’t. In fact, it’s really the most boring month of the year. Not a single holiday falls in August, and unless we want to go hogwild in our celebrations of National Psiorasis Awareness Month, there’s not much to celebrate anyway. Even though, as parent, I know I’ll have the end of the summer and the beginning of a new school year to celebrate soon, I’m not far enough removed from the idea that back-to-school month is a bad thing to really appreciate it.
For politicos, August represents the doldrums of the political year. August is a month where political campaigns struggle to stay relevant amid family vacations and summer chores. In Washington, Congress is rarely in session, fleeing from the oppressive heat and humidity that, to this day, makes me question if George Washington really thought taking a perfectly good swamp and building a city on it was a good idea. With no Congress in session, many of the hangers-on to federal politics, like me, take the time to get away and vacation. Which leaves a wide open news hole with little to fill it. You can rest assured you’ll see John McCain on the Sunday shows at least twice every August. Slow news means the press grasps at straws to fill the 24 hour news cycle.
How else to explain the multi-week facination with Chick-fil-a and yet another gay marriage blow up? How else to explain a presidential campaign where the only news is about which candidate made a gaffe on the campaign trail or in a foreign country? Despite being less than 100 days away from a presidential election and less than a month from a convention, people are talking about Mars landings and the only heat being generated is anger towards NBC for their lack of live Olympics coverage (although that hasn’t hurt their ratings at all). This August, like most, is a bust.
Right now, the only drama in politics at all is the speculation about who Romney will choose as his running mate. The Veepstakes drama will last only until the decision is made and then will promptly fade from importance, which is unfortunately exactly what will happen to the Vice President nominee if he or she is actually elected. While I like to get caught up in the Veep guessing game as much as the next guy, I eventually always feel sorry for whoever is selected. Vice President is the absolute worst job in government. Despite strong attempts to make it relevant – and the specious claims that Dick Cheney as VP was actually running the government – it still remains a near powerless, neutered job. In that sense, it’s kind of morbid for us all to be so fascinated about the choice. We’re all waiting around to see who gets the boobie prize of national politics. Some of my Bearing Drift colleagues have likened this year’s Veepstakes to game shows – Survivor is the most often mentioned, but to me, it’s more like the Running Man. Even if you win, you lose.
The end of the month sees the start of the Republican National Convention, which, like back-to-school, isn’t something many people look forward to anymore. The national conventions have long become nothing but a PR vehicle, a chance for elected officials, party activists, party leaders and the assorted detritus of Washington to come together for a week of parties and political theater. Nowadays, many electeds don’t even bother going. Delegates are a rubber stamp of party primaries or caucuses, and thanks to Ron Paul’s inability to win a plurality in five states, his name can’t even be entered into nomination for President, thus effectively ruining what could have been at least an interesting roll call on the convention floor. And with the rampant rise in campaign “trackers” and now anybody with a smartphone can be a news reporter or Youtube sensation, even the parties aren’t fun anymore.
About the only good thing about August is that it can’t last forever. Soon Labor Day will roll around, it will be September, Congress will be back for two weeks of hectic busywork before adjourning for the election, the direct mail and TV ads will increase to beyond intolerable levels and the kids will be back in school. Until then, we’ll just have to suffer.
Get thee behind me, Augustus.
