Last night my little cousin called me in tears. She was frustrated at the lack of understanding her classmates at a liberal, white, all girls college had of what it’s like to be black in America.
In a year when Barack Obama stands poised to be the first black President of the United States, there is a surprising challenge for much of black America. We want desperately to believe that he can win, not because he’s black but despite that fact. But if he does win, will America feel so redeemed that we needn’t talk about race and racism anymore?
Most black people I know really do want to believe that America is past its ugly, racist history. And I believe most of white America wants desperately to believe that, too. That much was evident, for instance, in last week’s podcast on this very blog.
As we were discussing the latest poll of how well Obama was doing in Virginia and his lead over McCain, I off-handedly remarked that I was a little concerned about the Wilder effect- the unfortunate trend we’ve seen that in polls leading up to an election, the black candidate is leading by a significant margin only for election day to show that candidate either lost or barely squeaked by with a win. It happened with Virginia’s first black governor and now Richmond Mayor Doug Wilder.
Brian Kirwin responded with a very common observation that it was so long ago, and asked if I really thought that was still relevant today. My response was a too-sassy-even-for-my-tastes “Please. I’m a black woman in America.”
You see, as much as we want to believe America is ready to put race aside, personal experiences almost every day tell us that might not be true. When I reflect on the white people right here in Hampton Roads who look with unabashed disdain upon me and my white husband, or the group of young people who yelled out and called him a nigger-lover a couple of years ago, or the good friend he lost because she didn’t approve of his choice to date a black woman… I’m fully aware that those are all isolated incidents. I’m fully aware that those individuals can’t and don’t represent most of white America.
I’m also fully aware that all of those people are good friends and family members of people who would say they, themselves, aren’t racist. But you know what? None of that matters at the moment I’m getting those looks of disapproval. None of that matters when that clerk is following me in the store. None of that matters when the white woman in the elevators clutches her purse when one of my dearest friends gets on the elevator with her, despite the fact that he’s wearing an expensive suit and needs nothing she has. And none of that matters when my smart, compassionate and beautiful little cousin calls me crying because the racism, however subliminal or subtle, is a little too overwhelming.
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Maybe I am a little out of line here, but lighten up. As a short, bald, Christian white guy with four kids, I don’t know what you have gone through. But for every example you have given, I can give one of how some one has looked at me disapprovingly.
When I have spanked my son in a store cos he was misbehaving, you would think I stabbed him with a knife by some people’s reaction. Let a baby cry for more than 30 seconds, wear jeans in some churches, mention Jesus in a public setting, say you approve of the Iraq War, speak in a polite but non-PC manner and people get agitated.
My wife and I make less than $50,000 a year, but we manage our money well and we have two new vehicles. Someone in my neighbor was insulted by that fact alone and scratched a derogatory word on my hood, knifed a tire, and keyed the driver’s side of my mini van.
When we walk the streets of our small town, hoodlum kids–black, Hispanic and white, make rude comments and gestures cos we are walking their streets.
People are judgmental and selfish here in America. None of us can avoid offending people today. Consider the source. If we cared less about what those idiots think and more about what those who know us think about us, we would all be happier.
Also, how often do we misinterpret the looks and actions of others? I have walked in a store and by a long-time friend who thought I was dissing him/her, and I actually didn’t even see him/her. My wife and I have gotten into arguments because one of us looked at the other wrong, and we took offense when none was meant.
I believe Obama will not win or lose based on race. He will win or lose based on how good a campaign he runs. Most people I know either like or dislike his policies and ideas. I seriously believe those who will not vote for him cos he is black will be cancelled out by those who vote for him because he is.
We will never be passed “race”.
Sub-groups within the human race will always find fault in “others” and find reason to hate/fear them. Whether it’s skin color or economics, people will always strive against those others.
Competion is bred it to us at the genetic level. It’s what makes us human:-)
Frenchy – pardon the grammar police, but it’s “past” not “passed”. Just noticed it in two comments today and felt the need to say something.
Jason,
No problem, I’ve been bouncing between sites and getting lazy with my spelling and grammer.
Danae,
You’re largely right. I’ve spoken with a couple known activists in Virginia Beach who have said you can’t get Whites to vote for Obama. Yes, race relations have improved, but still have a long way to go.
A few weeks ago I was taking the bus into Norfolk for a matinee. At one stop a young Black woman had a baby with her, and a second young woman helped her load her stroller on – but didn’t come along. When we got to the Cedar Grove Transfer Center (end of the line), I went over to carry it off for her. (She had the baby in her arms) You should have seen the shocked look on her face that it was the White guy helping her with it.
Finally, best wishes to you and your husband. Between living in a 90% minority neighborhood and riding HRT, if I finally do meet a woman, odds are it isn’t going to be a White girl.